


the stars of the night sky could never be enough

by galaxy_of_pi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Aroace Regulus, Death Eaters, Gen, No comfort?, Poison, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Feels, The Cave, Through the Years, i have plans if anyone wants to read it, i might do a sequel where sirius saves him if you're interested!, let me know if you want one!, please let me know, regulus wishes that he and sirius could be close, unless i do a second chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29296761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxy_of_pi/pseuds/galaxy_of_pi
Summary: Staring into the basin at the glowing green potion, Regulus felt his entire life had led up to this moment. All he had to do was drink it, and he could finally be at peace.There were things that he wished he could have done-- he wished he could have talked to Sirius one last time, apologize, made up with him before he left for his suicide mission, but it was too late now.
Relationships: Regulus Black & Black Family, Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	the stars of the night sky could never be enough

**Author's Note:**

> may i present an angsty feels fic about regulus arcturus black
> 
> if anyone has any interest, i'll post a sequel to this where Regulus is saved from the cave, so let me know!
> 
> check out my tumblr @starlightregulus !
> 
> hope you enjoy, and please comment!

Regulus had always been considered handsome. Not only by close family, who took every birthday and holiday as a chance to host a spectacular ball full of stuffy purebloods gossiping and spreading rumours, but also by the general populace. Though he had never exactly understood being attracted to someone based on their appearance, he realized in about his late sixth or seventh year that apparently romantic attraction based on looks was a thing and about half of his year was interested in him.

He continued to ignore this throughout his sixth year, there being far more important things for him to focus on; his mother had been pushing him to take the Dark Mark, him being the only eligible heir for the Blacks now that Sirius was gone.

Sirius. He wanted to hate his brother, he really did. Wanted to hate him for always being better than him, for always mastering a spell faster, for remembering the names of his great aunts and the history of their entire House-- but he couldn’t. He wanted to hate Sirius for always being that little bit smarter, for being just that much better looking, for being everything that he couldn’t be. For being the one he was compared to even when he had run away, disgracing the entire House and disowned. He was still being compared to him, still mocked for being a failure compared to his older brother.

When Regulus was younger, it didn’t seem to matter as much. Sirius had used to protect him, both through standing in front of him, bearing the brunt of the curses their mother threw, and through sitting with him at night, when he was scared of the dark, scared of the screaming from downstairs.

_ “But you’re going to leave me next year for Hogwarts, Siri. I don’t want to be alone.” _

__ Regulus still remembered his ten year old self standing on the platform, watching the scarlet train carrying away his only friend. The only thing that distracted him from the icy hand clamped on his shoulder was the memory of his brother’s promise ringing in his ears.

_ “You’re always gonna be my best friend, Reg. And next year, you’ll be at Hogwarts with me! I’m not gonna leave you behind.” _

Regulus had stared up at him, glorifying the eleven year old as a hero; that’s what Sirius had been to him. 

_ “Promise?” _

__ _ “‘Course. Promise.” _

__ Regulus raked a hand through his hair, staring at the door to his dormitory. Sirius had graduated from Hogwarts the year before, leaving him alone. Well, he corrected himself, it didn’t feel very different with him gone. Sirius had returned that Christmas brimming with an energy Regulus had never seen him with before. Talking excitedly about Gryffindor, about the new friends he had made. About how amazing James Potter was. About how they loved all the same things, from Quidditch to Transfiguration to pranks. How James Potter, a boy he had met only months before, was like a brother to him.

_ “Did you miss me Siri?” _

Regulus later regretted asking. He had felt vaguely sick the entire time Sirius had talked on about how amazing his new friends were, how their Mother and Father were wrong about everything, how glad he was to be in Gryffindor. Was he not enough for Sirius anymore? 

_ “Of course I did, Reg.”  _

But Regulus had been good at spotting lies since he was young, and he heard the hesitation. Connected it to the single letter he had received from his brother. Pasted on a fake smile as he listened to his brother chat away about the new family he had. 

As Regulus got older, the gap between them grew. Knowing how much more severe the punishments for both of them would be if he were in any house other than Slytherin, Regulus made sure to be placed in the house of the snakes. He made alliances with purebloods. Aced his classes. Did everything his family wanted, hoping that maybe this time, they would be proud of him. But it was never quite enough for them.

He got all O’s except in Potions? Sirius had been able to brew those potions since he was nine. 

He made the Quidditch team in his second year? Impressive enough, sure, but Sirius was still better.

He could never live up to what they wanted, just as he could never be good enough for Sirius. Three letters his first year from Sirius turned into one in his second, and none in his third. That only led to Sirius pretending not to hear him in his fourth. Regulus didn’t know if he was just embarrassed to be his brother or ashamed. He didn’t really want to know either.

The attention he got from the other students as he grew older never was what he wanted. He didn’t care what the pretty blonde Slytherin wanted when she fluttered her eyelashes, what the cute black haired Ravenclaw meant when he asked Regulus to meet him after hours for “studying”. He just wanted someone to be proud of him, to like him for more than his appearance and the prestige he wielded.

Regulus signed his initials on the bottom of the note, flourishing the quill slightly to add a slight bit more dramatic flair. He leaned back on the bed, studying the soft emerald fabric and then sighed. He was wasting time, trying to stall the inevitable. He got off the bed, staring back at the lonely trunk, holding everything that he had with him of any value to him. His eyes skimmed over the piles of textbooks, Divination cards and crystals, and landed on the black velvet box-- a gift from Sirius in his first year that held a crystal model of the stars, of both of their constellations revolving around each other. After six years, it was still his most precious possession. His eyes fixed last on the balled up piece of parchment in the corner of his trunk. He had tried for hours to write a letter to Sirius, apologizing, telling him what he was about to do, but in the end thought it wasn’t worth it. He didn’t know if Sirius would even bother to read the letter and thought that perhaps it would be better, easier, if Sirius could just forget about him. If there weren’t lingering what-ifs still there, Sirius would never bother wondering if there had been any way to save him. 

Regulus turned away, glancing back one last time when he reached the door, staring for the last time at his home for the past seven years. Sirius would move on easily enough-- he probably wouldn’t even miss him.

Regulus turned, calling Kreacher and apparating directly to the cave. Why put off his death longer than he had to? He felt the shadow of his demise looming over him and sank into it, almost grateful. He was almost done.

The potion burned, like liquid fire as Kreacher poured it down his throat, his arms too weak to even hold the goblet. The pain was nothing though-- he had felt similar pain a million times before when his mother had decided that he wasn’t quite good enough for her. The hallucinations taunted him, his worst nightmares being laid out in front of him. He saw Sirius taunting him, screaming that he was worthless, pathetic, and that he was glad Regulus would finally be gone, dead weight that would finally be cut away. A nuisance would finally be left behind and forgotten.

He watched Sirius numbly, not even having the strength to feel the hurt from everything the hallucination was saying. It was nothing that he hadn’t already thought Sirius must feel about him. He had made as much peace with it as he could. 

And then, the hallucination vanished and he was left shaking on the cold and slimy rocks of the cave. He needed water, desperately needed it, and it was there, only feet away, glistening cold and inviting.

Somewhere in his mind there was a warning bell, but this is why he came, wasn’t it? To get the locket, and then to be free of everything. He could hear Kreacher crying, and with all his strength, called for him to go, to destroy the locket and not to return for him. To not tell his mother of what had happened to him. It was the first and last time he had demanded something of the house elf, but it was necessary.

For one moment there was peace as he tasted the cool water, but then hands, slimy and gray, rotted yet strong wrapped around his hands, pulling him forwards. He fought back, water splashing around him. A hand wrapped around his neck and Regulus overbalanced, falling backwards into the water. His head slipped beneath the surface and he panicked, fighting back with the last of his strength. He broke for only a moment, long enough to see Kreacher disapparate through heartbreaking wails before the hands held him tighter and dragged him into the murky depths.

For years, people had been forcing him to do things. Deciding his fate, pulling him to places. Girls and guys alike had been trying to flirt with him, push him around, make him do things. He had resisted everything, fought fate and destiny, but now he was here. And for the first time in his life, he gave in, closing his eyes and letting the inferi pull him down into the murky depths of the lake.

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> let me know if you want another chapter!


End file.
